Alcoholism is a progressive disease. If you quit for a day, month, year--however long--and pick drinking back up, the disease will begin where it left off. That is part of true alcoholism. I did this and more. I went crazy. From a once a month trip to the bar, I started going 3 and 4 times a week. I dated someone who worked there: that was how I justified it. I was pretty happy, I thought, doing my own thing, no one to answer to. But the downward spiral was just starting and as time went by, I went down faster. The faster I went down, the more I drank. I absolutely would not, could not, admit I had a problem. I had fun. I didn't drive drunk, I didn't go home with strangers. I simply liked to drink.
I had a breakdown in August of 1997. I thought it was stress. In part, it was but the problem went much, much deeper. I finally admitted my alcoholism while there. With their help and guidance, I began to see a pattern. One that had been there since the age of 13. It terrified me: how long had I gotten away with lying to myself?
I remained in treatment for 2 months. It was incredible. It really was. I don't recommend treatment for everyone, of couse, but in my case, it was exactly what I needed. I learned about myself. I cried, I laughed, I loved and I found out WHO I was, WHAT I really wanted and WHY I had never been able to achieve those goals. But what amazed me the most was seeing people with needle track scars on their arms almost as thick as a pencil. I met people who had sold their body, sold their food: even killed to get the next drink or fix. What did I learn? That could be me.
I have been sober for several months. I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. Has it been easy?
Son Ofa Bitch, Everything's Real.
And I guarantee you, life is real without a crutch.
I feel a bit uncomfortable talking about myself like this, but I truly want to help those who might be having problems. So if you feel the need to talk, e-mail me below.
The Serenity Prayer
Prayer of Step Three
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
Promises of AA
A fellow AA'er recommended I add the promises and as I read back over them, I was reminded of how beautiful AA can be for us if we make it so. These promises are for all of us: newcomers, oldtimers--there are no limits or boundries. I hope that they touch you as much as they do me.
To find out more about Alcoholism and AA please go to my page dedicated to them and follow my links. Being an alcoholic is very hard in itself and traveling the road of recovery alone is nearly impossible.
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